


Feeling Nothing

by wth_am_i_writing



Series: String of Fate [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Mild Language, POV Second Person, Psychological Trauma, Red String of Fate, Rejection, Rumors, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Social Anxiety, Soulmates, past stalking, unwanted soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-09-30 05:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17217530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wth_am_i_writing/pseuds/wth_am_i_writing
Summary: The gods weren’t just fucking with you, they were determined to make this happen whether either of you wanted it to or not.





	Feeling Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on May 19, 2015.
> 
> Original Author’s Note: I LIVE! So this is what I’ve been working on for the last month. It’s another soulmate fic, set in the same universe as “Make It Work”, which you should go read if you haven’t. It’s a bit of a genre deconstruction, and it was both fun and frustrating to write. I’m quite excited (and a bit nervous) about this fic. I have a lot of things to say about this fic, so if you have questions don’t feel afraid to ask! Special thanks to dragonfox13 for being my idea bouncing board and moral support while I was writing this behemoth. She really put up with a lot xD;; Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

The first time you met your soulmate, you were busing tables at your part time job. The booth next to his had just cleared out and as you approached the table to clear it off, your eyes met for the briefest of moments–but you _knew_ , you knew in that very moment that he was your soulmate. They had always said that it’d be clear, that the welling feeling of warmth in your chest was unmistakable, the gentle tug at your pinky the sign that your head wasn’t playing tricks on you. And God, those first seconds after your eyes met, it felt like your pinky would be yanked right off your hand.

He didn’t react at all, his attention fully on his conversation partner. And then you realized just who you were looking at–Lee Hongbin, heart throb of the theater department and the best photographer on campus. And then you realized you were staring and he wasn’t and it got extremely awkward. You dropped your gaze to the table you were supposed to be clearing and made quick work of the silverware and cups.

As you carted everything off, you vaguely wondered why he hadn’t had the same reaction you’d had. None of the customers called you back out, though you waited anxiously in hopes that he would. When you next went out to the dining area, he and his friend were gathering their things. They left without looking around, and you watched until they disappeared past the restaurant window.

-.-.-.-.-

The second time you met your soulmate was on campus between classes. You were going down the stairs of the humanities building, when there was an awful squawk behind you and a weight crashed into your back. You went tumbling down, thankfully only three steps to the landing, but the weight landed on top of you with crushing force.

“ _Fuck_ ,” was the first word you remember him ever saying in your presence (for you were too shocked at your first meeting to remember anything that had come out of his mouth when he was talking to his friend). You didn’t realize that it was actually him until he got off of you and you pushed yourself up into a sitting position, ankle throbbing. “I’m _so_ sorry. Are you ok?” he asked. You turned to face him, realization dawning on you. You met his eyes but couldn’t hold them for long, instead settling your gaze on the exposed skin of his neck, only to regret that decision immediately. A hickey. A _fresh_ hickey.

“Y-yeah,” you stuttered, looking at the ground in front of you. “I-I think so.” A lie, a total lie by the way your ankle stung and your pinky felt like it was going to tear off your hand and glue itself to right over his heart, but you were too shocked to tell the truth.

“Good,” he sighed, relieved. “Late–Fuck, I’m late–I need to go,” he continued, starting to panic. He got to his feet and started down the next set of stairs, pausing and looking back at you. “Sorry, but Dr. Seo is going to fail me if I’m late again.” With that, he took off down the remainder of the steps, skipping two at a time. Just like that, he was gone again, acting like he hadn’t noticed anything.

When you finally regained your senses, you got to your feet, hissing when you put weight on your foot. You sat back down on the stairs, glad that at least your previous class was your last of the day. In the end, you called your brother Ken to pick you up.

-.-.-.-.-

“So you’re telling me your soulmate crashed into you on the stairs and then _left_ you there?” Ken asked skeptically. “What kind of dumb fuck would abandon their soulmate after a meeting like that?”

“I don’t think he realized,” you murmured, embarrassedly, trying to shrink into yourself as you stared out the car window. Ken had helped you to the clinic on campus, and offered to drive you home after you’d been treated. It wasn’t a serious sprain, and they’d sent you home after they’d made sure there wasn’t much swelling. Still, you had to avoid using it much for a few days and to keep it elevated and iced as needed.

“You must have your head screwed on wrong. Are _you_ sure he’s your soulmate? Are you _sure_ it’s not just a crush? You know, with the blooming in your chest and the strings of fate tugging on your pinky?”

“For fuck’s sake, Ken, yes! My pinky felt like it was going to rip off!” you snapped, glaring over at him.

“ _I_ am your older _brother_ and you will talk to me with respect!” Ken squawked, voice raising and taking on the tone your grandmother always used when pulling the age card on the family.

“By ten minutes!” you spat. “Stop pulling the age card and keep your eyes on the road.” Ken pouted at the reprimand, but you didn’t care. It’d always been annoying how he’d pull the age card at any excuse, even if the time difference was negligible.

“I still think your head’s on wrong. Your pinky finger feeling like it’s going to fly off? I don’t think that’s normal,” Ken said after a few seconds.

“And what would you know? _You_ haven’t met your soulmate yet, so you can’t talk,” you bit back. Ken sighed, slowing for a red light.

“Do you know his name?” he asked once stopped, looking over at you.

“Lee Hongbin,” you sighed, looking at the stoplight.

“Oh,” Ken said, tone offended. You looked back at him to discover his nose crinkled in disapproval.

“Do you know him?” you asked, suddenly nervous.

“Yes.”

“I mean, like, not as in heard of him, but, like, actually know him.”

“He’s in my Musicals class and was in Vocals II and Music Theory last semester, and we’ve gone drinking a couple of times,” Ken answered as the light turned green and he stepped on the gas, tone dry.

“What’s he like?” You could hear your heart pounding in your ears for all your nervousness.

“Smart. Pretty. Nice. A ditz. You’re a horrible match.”

“Are you saying that because you don’t like him or because I’m your sister?”

“Because you aren’t his _type_ ,” Ken answered vaguely.

“Type?” you asked, tentatively, afraid to hear the answer.

“I half suspect that he’s gay or bi or something. He fanboys over Park Hyoshin so much, I swear he must wank off to his photo or something. And he follows me around class like a lost puppy, crooning, ‘Ken, your voice is so nice.’ My first fanboy.” You reached over and hit Ken on the arm.

“You are so full of shit,” you hissed.

“You only _think_ I’m lying,” Ken huffed. “But beyond that, you aren’t his type when it comes to women either.”

“Soulmates aren’t about what your type is,” you countered weakly.

“And that’s why I’m not happy about this. It’s all about the gods fucking with us, and now they’re fucking with my little sister. Soulmates are predetermined, can’t be changed without going through a tremendous amount of trouble, and many don’t result in happy relationships. This is a bad match,” Ken said, tone completely serious.

“We don’t know that for sure yet,” you murmured looking out the passenger window.

“Something’s funky about this whole thing. I mean, what kinda fuckapotamus doesn’t recognize when they’ve met their soulmate?” You crossed your arms and sunk into your seat. Ken was right, but you didn’t want to admit it. “I don’t want you getting hurt.” You fell silent, staring at the dashboard ahead of you.

“He had a hickey,” you mumbled after a few minutes. “On his neck.”

“He likes the gorgeous, no strings attached girls,” Ken said after a beat, voice tense.

“A lot of people like the no strings attached thing. Maybe he’ll be different with his soulmate…”

“Your looks are the exact opposite of every woman I’ve ever seen him with or heard rumors that he was dating,” Ken sighed, and the words stung deeply. “But I sure hope he is for your sake.”

-.-.-.-.-

The third time you met your soulmate, you wanted to strangle your brother. You had just gotten home from your part-time job, about a week after your last encounter with Hongbin, to find him sitting in the living room with Ken. Papers and notebooks covered the coffee table and they hadn’t seemed to have noticed you yet in their focus on school work. You attempted to slink away.

“You’re home,” Ken called out to you before you could make your escape. You froze mid step, returning to the living room when Ken continued. “How was work?” You knew what he was up to, and wanted to cross the room to strangle him–forced interaction to gauge both your and Hongbin’s behavior. He’d been pestering you all week to straighten things out, but you hadn’t done anything because you were still so confused. He’d obviously decided to take things into his own hands and try to make you face this head on.

“Tiring,” you answered, trying your best to not sound as irritated with him as you were, but not wholly succeeding. The acting genes seemed to have skipped you, but Ken was unfortunately very good at it. You glanced at Hongbin, catching him staring at you. The moment your eyes met, you could feel the blooming warmth in your chest and the persistent yank at your pinky. Just as you were about to divert your gaze, you saw something click in Hongbin’s eyes.

“You!” he said suddenly, leaning towards you. Your heart started pounding so hard you felt like it might burst from your chest– “You’re the girl from the stairwell!”

He hadn’t realized.

You shifted awkwardly, dropping your gaze to the ground in embarrassment. What was going on? Why hadn’t he noticed?

“Y-yeah,” you admitted. “Did you make it to class on time?”

“Uh, yeah, just barely,” He responded awkwardly. “So, you’re, uh, you’re Ken’s sister?”

“Twin sister,” Ken piped up with pride. “Doesn’t she look just like me?”

“Not really, but I can see the resemblance,” Hongbin replied, grinning. His smile faltered. “Uh, I’m really sorry I just ran off like that,” he apologized to you.

“Eh?” Ken perked up. “Stairwell? Ran off… Are you the bastard that fell on my sister and then left her there with a sprained ankle?” Ken was being a sneaky ass, milking this for all it’s worth. You were so flustered by his reaction that you didn’t know what to do. He was backing you into a corner.

“Sprained ankle?!” Hongbin exclaimed, head whipping in Ken’s direction then back to you, his eyes wide in shock. “You said you were ok!” You were going to fucking kill Ken when Hongbin was gone.

“I-I was just so flustered, I didn’t realize my ankle was hurting until I tried to stand up,” you lied. You could feel your pinky getting tugged again and covered it with your other hand. “I’m fine now though.”

“Aaauugh, I’m so sorry,” Hongbin apologized, turning away and putting a hand over his forehead. “I should have helped you stand up and made sure you were ok.”

“It’s fine. It really wasn’t a bad injury anyway,” you dismissed. Really, you were more concerned by the fact that he didn’t seem to realize you were soulmates than you were about the accident on the stairs. “I, uh, I actually haven’t had dinner yet, so…” You pointed towards the kitchen, slowly inching towards it.

“Go eat,” Ken excused you, waving you off. It took every bit of resolve you had to not run to the kitchen, but once you were safely out of view it was like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You dug leftovers out of the fridge and shoveled the food down as quickly as you could. You could make out the sounds of them mumbling to each other in the other room, but you did your best to tune the conversation out. You’d just finished cleaning the dishes after yourself when Ken called to you, asking to you to bring them a bag of chips from the pantry. You grabbed a bag with a sigh and tossed it from the outer edge of the living room at Ken. He caught it just before it smacked him in the face.

“Next time get it yourself, you have legs,” you scolded turning away to go to your room.

“Thanks, uh,” Hongbin said, making you freeze, “I didn’t catch your name, sorry.” You took a deep breath and turned around, introducing yourself formally.

“Lee Hongbin,” Hongbin introduced in return, bowing slightly.

“Aish, she knows already,” Ken said, hitting Hongbin on the shoulder. “Your face is on the musical poster that’s all over campus.”

“It still doesn’t hurt to introduce himself formally,” you said, rolling your eyes at Ken. “He’s just being polite.”

“Yeah,” Hongbin agreed with you, reaching out and jabbing Ken lightly on the arm.

“You could have asked me her name,” Ken pouted. “Coulda saved yourself some embarrassment. Besides, she’s a taken woman. She met her soulmate the other day,” he continued looking at you with a giant smile, the baiting comment making your heart stop. You were overwhelmed with the urge to punch him in the face. What the hell was he thinking, continually backing you into a corner like this?

“Eh?” Hongbin asked, looking between you and Ken with a surprised expression on his face. Something seemed to click in his eyes as his gaze settled back on you and a tenseness you hadn’t noticed before seemed to leave his shoulders. “Really? Congratulations!” Hongbin said, smiling at you. “It must be a load of worry off your shoulders.”

“Honestly, it’s just brought more, really,” you replied. “H-have you met yours?” you dared to ask, deathly afraid of the answer.

“Not yet, but it seems like everyone’s finding their soulmates recently. My girlfriend met hers not too long ago too,” Hongbin laughed sheepishly.

“Hwayoung did?” Ken asked, caught off guard.

“No, Soeun,” Hongbin corrected, unease crossing his features at her mention.

“I was about to say… You haven’t been seeing Hwayoung very long,” Ken clarified the reason for his confusion. “You met them both at Polyeros, right?” You didn’t know either girl, but you’d heard of Polyeros. It was a hookup club of sorts, popular among college students that hadn’t found their soulmates yet. The conversation was starting to make you feel sick. The tugging at your pinky was ever persistent.

“Yeah, but we aren’t serious, just messing around,” Hongbin wrote off, turning his attention back to you. “Was your soulmate what you expected?”

“Uh…” you blanked, completely caught off guard. “Not, not really. I’m still not sure if it’s a good match,” you managed after a few seconds. At least you were able to tell the truth, however much it hurt.

“I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it works out,” Hongbin tried to comfort.

“She won’t tell me who it is, so I can’t go knock some sense into him,” Ken said. “I’m starting to think he’s someone I wouldn’t like.” Ken’s silver tongue was starting to get on your nerves. Appearances be damned, if he kept pressing, you’d kill him right in front of Hongbin.

“I can handle my soulmate on my own, Ken,” you warned.

“Really?” Ken asked in disbelief, raising his eyebrows.

“Really,” you insisted.

“If she’s your sister she can handle herself,” Hongbin tried to diffuse rather awkwardly, grabbing the bag of chips out of Ken’s hands and opening it.

“You’ll understand when one of _your_ sisters finds her soulmate,” Ken jabbed at Hongbin.

“Both of them already have,” Hongbin jabbed back. “They were really lucky and ended up with guys their type. Honestly, I hope I luck out like that too.”

“Not everyone ends up happy,” Ken warned, suddenly turning serious and reaching for a chip.

“She doesn’t have to be perfect, but someone like Hwayoung would be nice,” Hongbin amended.

“You’re only saying that because you’re dating her now,” Ken poked, expression muddled. You cleared your throat, not able to take the conversation anymore.

“Sorry, I have homework I really should start on,” you excused, not exactly lying but knowing that you wouldn’t be able to concentrate enough to even start the assignment anytime soon. You ducked down the hall, not waiting for any response, locking your bedroom door once it was closed behind you. How were you going to handle this now? Ken just made everything ten times _worse._

-.-.-.-.-

“I believe you now,” Ken sighed, leaning on your door frame early the next morning. Hongbin ended up staying the night and had just left a few minutes ago–the project they’d been working on ended up taking longer than either anticipated.

“Now?” you asked, grabbing your pillow off the bed and chucking it at him. Ken caught the pillow and held onto it. “You should have believed me from the beginning!” You threw a few stuffed animals at him, which he just deflected with the pillow.

“I didn’t want to believe something like this was happening,” Ken defended himself with a pout. “But then I saw how your pinky kept twitching whenever you were looking at each other.”

“Was it really necessary to bring him home to see that it was true?” you asked angrily.

“He asked _me_ if we could work on the project here. We have the musical all weekend. I just thought it’d be a good chance to test it, since the opportunity arose,” Ken sighed.

“Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure you just made the situation ten times _worse_ ,” you hissed, turning away from him to pull a pair of socks from your sock drawer.

“He thought you had a crush on him and was trying to let you down easy,” Ken explained, walking into your bedroom and putting your pillow back on your bed. He sat down, crossing his legs. “I wanted to punch him after he told me that, but I held it in. That’s why I called you back and started talking about the soulmate thing.”

“Hwayoung…” you started but trailed off when you weren’t sure where to take it.

“She models for the art department a lot,” Ken explained. “They’ve been seeing each other for a little more than a week. Rumor has it that they’re just sleeping together. It hasn’t been long since he broke up with Soeun.”

“Do you think he’s just pretending he hasn’t noticed?”

“He’s not that good of an actor,” Ken sighed. “Nor is he that much of an asshole. I think he genuinely hasn’t realized.” Ken shifted forward, running a hand through his hair frustratedly. “I think you need to tell him. Soon. Before this all snowballs.” You shuffled nervously.

“What… What if I’m not _his_ soulmate?” you asked, finally addressing your _real_ worry.

“Not his soulmate?” Ken asked, looking up at you in blank confusion. He shook his head. “Impossible.”

“Nothing’s impossible.”

“The gods aren’t that cruel. Go to a fayteseer today, they can probably confirm it.”

“You can’t do a line reading on just one person, Ken,” you objected.

“Then drag Hongbin with you,” Ken stated.

“What if he writes me off? I wouldn’t believe me after all the shit we spewed yesterday.”

“Do you want me there when you talk to him?”

“Do you think it would help?”

“I don’t know, but we can try,” Ken sighed. “I can get him to meet us tomorrow at lunch.”

“And we tell him the truth?” Ken nodded. You plopped down next to him with a sigh. This whole situation was driving you crazy.

-.-.-.-.-

The fourth time you met your soulmate left you numb. It had started raining mid morning, and you’d realized that you’d forgotten your umbrella in your first class’s lecture hall when you got outside the door. There wasn’t another class there until sometime in the afternoon, so it’d be easy to pop in and check for it. You hadn’t been prepared for what you found when you opened the door at all: a woman seated on the first row of desks and Hongbin between her legs. It seemed like they’d been kissing, but your interruption had caused them to separate. Hongbin looked as surprised as you must have, though you wondered if he could feel the yank of the string of fate at his pinky.

You got a good look at the woman–she had an idol’s good looks. Ken was right about his type, and it stung. In that instant you decided you couldn’t wait until tomorrow. You needed to talk to him now. To clear this all up. You took a deep breath.

“Hongbin, we need to talk,” you rushed out. “I’ll wait in the hall until you’re ready.” You closed the door and pressed your back to the wall next to it. The gods were being cruel, and you had no idea if Hongbin would even take the time to talk with you. You still had to try. The meetings were feeling more and more like you were being shoved together, and the circumstances were getting worse with each meeting. The door opened after what felt like forever and the woman walked by. She gave you a cautious look before slinking down the hall towards one of the student lounges in the building. You took a deep breath and entered the room, shuffling nervously once the door was closed. Hongbin looked similarly nervous, easing your nerves only slightly.

“Was that Hwayoung?” you asked. His eyes snapped up at you in surprise, the question obviously not the one he’d thought you’d ask. After a few seconds he coughed, and shook his head.

“S-Seunghee,” he stuttered.

“She’s really pretty,” you mumbled, suddenly quite disheartened. Seems he really did like the no strings attached relationships.

“Can you not tell anyone about this?” Hongbin suddenly asked, voice trembling slightly in his nervousness. You glanced up at him briefly before dropping your eyes back to the floor. _That’s_ why he and Seunghee were so nervous–they didn’t want rumors spreading.

“If you didn’t want to get caught, you shouldn’t have chosen a lecture hall,” you scolded weakly. “But I won’t tell, it’s not really in my interest to.”

“You aren’t trying to blackmail me?” Hongbin asked, voice nervous and a bit relieved. You glanced up at him again, stiffening. That’s what he and Seunghee had been worried about?

“No,” you denied, shaking your head. “I didn’t want to talk because of Seunghee–well, I kind of did, but not for the reason you’re thinking,” you clarified.

“Then what did you want to talk about?” Hongbin asked, annoyance starting to tint his voice along with relief. You looked him in the eye, feeling the warmth and the yanking at your pinky starting up again.

“Don’t you feel it?” you asked, voice shaky.

“Feel what?” he asked, brows knitting in confusion.

“The warmth in your chest or the tugging at your pinky when our eyes meet,” you asked, suddenly ten times more nervous than you’d been just seconds before.

“I don’t. I’ve never felt anything when our eyes met,” Hongbin denied, tone suddenly sharp. His sudden hostile attitude was intimidating. You swallowed, trying to calm yourself.

“I can feel it, very clearly. We’re soulmates,” you pressed.

“Your head’s playing tricks on you if you think we’re soulmates.” The words stung more than when Ken had said them, but you knew you weren’t wrong. “It’s a crush and you’re misreading it, or you’re making things up just to get close to me. Either way, it’s not true. I’d realize it.”

“This is the _fourth_ time we’ve met by chance, and every time I look you in the eyes, I feel it,” you snapped. “The first time, you were eating at the restaurant I work at. Our eyes met but you didn’t react. I was so confused and shocked that I didn’t say anything. And then on the stairs too–” You cut yourself off, taking a deep breath. “I didn’t know what to do, so I waited, hoping you’d realize. But I don’t think that’s going to happen.” You held up your hand, your pinky occasionally jerking towards Hongbin in time with the rough yanks at the finger. “My pinky feels like it’s going to get pulled off my hand every time I look at you. I’m _not_ imagining this. If I was, we wouldn’t keep meeting like this.”

“Okay, okay,” Hongbin sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “But if _you_ were really _my_ soulmate, don’t you think I’d feel it?”

“That’s what’s got me worried…” you mumbled. “You should have noticed, right? What if you aren’t my soulmate? But the gods aren’t so cruel to make a one way soulmate, right?” you started rambling. “The reason I mentioned having problems with my soulmate yesterday is because you haven’t noticed it–”

“If I haven’t noticed by now, I don’t think I will,” Hongbin cut you off. “I may be your soulmate, but you’re not mine.” You took a shaky breath, dropping your gaze to the ground and attempting to hold everything together. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be the actual situation. Sure, the gods liked to screw with people, but you’d never heard of them doing something so cruel for no reason.

“You still can’t brush this off. Even if I’m not your soulmate, we’re still stuck together,” you asserted, just barely keeping your voice steady.

“We’re stuck together even if we don’t want to be,” Hongbin sighed. You looked back up at him.

“I’m willing to work something out that won’t be too much of a bother on either of us,” you offered, a bit desperate to get things sorted out. “We have different majors and totally different social groups. And it’s pretty obvious that I’m not really the type of girl you like to have around you anyway, and I honestly thought I’d wind up with someone like my brothers or dad.” Hongbin sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“You’re Ken’s sister. It’s only natural that we’d meet and hang out occasionally,” Hongbin offered.

“Right,” you agreed, feeling hollow. Ken may have been your twin, and one of the few people close enough to you to share any secrets with, but you rarely spent time with him away from home. Using your brother as a middle man felt bad, but Ken would probably be happy that you were getting out more than you currently were. At the very least, it was a starting point.

“And…” he started but trailed off. “And it’s not like I’m not ok with you being around, it just feels like you’re trying to find an excuse to be near me,” he explained, shuffling awkwardly. “This whole situation just seems strange, but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt because you’re Ken’s sister. If you’re twins, you can’t be that different.”

“Like night and day,” you laughed under your breath. “It’s just a stereotype that twins are really similar, but I can assure you, I wouldn’t bother approaching you like this if it weren’t for this,” you continued, holding up your pinky.

“Does Ken know?” Hongbin asked, taking a step towards you. You nodded, bringing your hand back to your side.

“I told him this morning,” you lied, purely to save Ken and Hongbin’s friendship. “He thinks we’re a bad match.”

“I kind of want to agree to that,” Hongbin sighed.

“We hardly know each other,” you retaliated weakly.

“I get the feeling myself,” Hongbin retorted, narrowing his eyes slightly. “But If I’m your soulmate, then we’re stuck together.”

“For better or worse,” you sighed, running a hand through your hair. “But shouldn’t we at least try to make the best of this?”

“Of course. I’m not going to give up on finding my soulmate, though, and I can’t guarantee what’ll happen when I do.”

“T-that’s ok,” you agreed, getting a sinking feeling in your stomach. Deep down, you weren’t really alright with him brushing you off if it turned out he really did have a different soulmate, but you weren’t sure how to get him to take everything more seriously in regards to your situation.

“So… We’re done?” Hongbin asked, tone incredibly awkward. He looked like he wanted to leave.

“Yeah, I guess,” you replied, not ready for the conversation to end but not sure how to continue it either.

“Then… I guess I’ll see you later,” Hongbin said lamely, practically bolting for the door and slipping past you. He paused, door half opened. “Remember, don’t tell anyone about what you saw.”

“I won’t,” you snapped. He turned away without saying anything else, but before the door closed behind him, you could hear him murmur something about Seunghee and Hwayoung killing him if it got out.

When the door clicked shut you looked out over the lecture hall, chest feeling heavy. Airing the situation didn’t seem to do anything to make you feel better. Something still felt off, but you weren’t sure that there was anything you could do. Everything just felt _empty_. Your brightly colored umbrella caught your eye and you moved to get it, remembering your initial reason for returning to the classroom.

By the time you got outside the rain had stopped and the sun was breaking through the clouds. The gods were fucking with you.

-.-.-.-.-

You’d been looking forward to meeting your soulmate since you were a small child–everyone did. The stories you’d been fed all your childhood made it seem dreamlike, and the less happy stories that creeped out of the woodwork in your teenage years had done nothing to stifle the optimism that meeting your soulmate would be an overall good thing. After all, most children belonged to soulmate success stories and everyone you knew seemed to have parents that got along well. It was all sweetened by the fact that the one time you had tried dating, it turned out horribly.

“Your soulmate won’t treat you so poorly,” had been the mantra in the aftermath after all his verbal abuse, and you’d believed it. He’d torn down all your self confidence and left you, and though you’d kept everyone but your family at arms length since then, you’d wrapped everyone’s words of comfort around you like a security blanket as you slowly rebuilt your self confidence. Your soulmate would would treat you well, would like you for you. It was all a bunch of bull crap. The gods had a twisted sense of humor.

You’d texted Ken about your encounter with Hongbin, then shut down for a couple of hours until your shift at work started, wondering what the hell you could have done in this life or the last to have deserved this situation. You went through work on autopilot, worrying your coworkers but brushing them off with petty excuses. This was something you knew you’d come to terms with eventually, and you didn’t want rumors to start.

You barely had any energy when you got home from work, so you ignored Ken’s presence in the living room and headed straight to your room to crash on the bed. Not long after you planted your face in a pillow, Ken knocked at your door. You groaned in response but didn’t get up to answer. Your door clicked open and a few seconds later the edge of your bed dipped as Ken sat down, pushing your legs further onto the bed with his butt.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Ken asked quietly. You turned your head to the side and took a deep breath.

“No. I don’t think it’ll help to drag you into all of this,” you said.

“Did you ask him to go to a Fayteseer?” Ken asked.

“No. I was too shocked. His attitude changed so fast when I told him and he seemed so sure I don’t know if I could have convinced him to,” you replied.

“I’ll talk to him about it tomorrow,” Ken sighed. You reached back and gripped his wrist.

“Don’t screw up your friendship. I can handle this myself.”

“And you’ve done such a good job so far,” Ken sighed, looking away from you. The comment stung. “This is beyond friendship now. He’s practically an in-law. Which means he’s family, which means it’s my duty as his older brother to kick his butt back in line.” You tugged at Ken’s shirt sleeve with a groan.

“Ken, please,” you begged. “Pushing things will probably just make everything worse.”

“Then should we talk to him together?”

“We’d probably have to,” you sighed, gripping Ken’s wrist tighter. “Practically the only excuse he gave me to see him was through you.”

“See! I’ve already been dragged in! I have every right to express my distaste for how he’s treating you!” Ken half-screeched, taking on his grandmother-tone. You shook his arm, quieting him down.

“Ken, _please_ ,” you groaned.

“What?” Ken asked, giving you a judging look. “You know I’m right. He’s being an ass.”

“We’ll talk to him together, but don’t go all grandma on him.”

“Grandma? What’s this talk of grandma?” Ken asked, keeping up the tone. “I can give his grandma a call and give her a piece of my mind, then he’d listen. Just _wait_ until the news gets around the retirement village!”

“Oh _god,_ _don’t_ ,” you laughed, turning your face back into your pillow as the image of old ladies gossiping about Hongbin filled your head. If nothing else, Ken was good at breaking the tension.

“One way or another, we’ll get him to be more understanding,” Ken reassured, dropping the grandmother voice but remaining cheery. He patted the back of your calves with his free hand, the small gesture comforting.

“Thanks, Ken,” you mumbled, turning your head back to the side.

-.-.-.-.-

You sighed as you approached the door to your second class of the morning, not wanting to go in. It was only about two more hours until you were meeting up with Ken to try to catch Hongbin at lunch, and you couldn’t concentrate. You’d been spacey during your entire first class, and you knew the same thing would happen with your second. The room was already half full of students who looked just as enthusiastic as you were. Just as you were about to walk through the door, a heavy hand landed on your shoulder. You jumped, jerking out of reach, whirling around to see who it was. You barely registered Hongbin’s face before he grabbed your arm and dragged you away from the door.

“We need to talk,” he explained dryly as he pulled you down the hall.

“Talk about what?” you asked, confused. He shook his head, the expression on his face tense. A few people started turning their attention towards you so you shook his arm off. He released you, only to bring his hand just behind your back, continuing to corral you until he found an empty class room in one of the lesser used hallways. Once the door was closed behind you, he pulled you further into the room, out of view of the door. He gave the door a cautious look. “What is this about?” you tried again, growing more nervous.

“Everyone’s talking about how I found my soulmate,” Hongbin hissed, turning to look at you with piercingly angry eyes. The look sent a shiver of fear down your spine.

“What?” you asked, dumbfounded, mind reeling in an attempt to make sense of such a rumor.

“Did you think that would be better to spread than about Seunghee?” Hongbin asked sharply.

“What the hell are you _talking_ about?” you asked, thoroughly confused.

“I didn’t react how you wanted when you told me I’m your soulmate so you spread rumors about it!” Hongbin accused, stepping closer to you. You shuffled back, terrified.

“You think _I_ spread the rumor?” you squeaked.

“I didn’t play along with your delusions, so you spread rumors to trap me!”

“You honestly still think that you’re not my soulmate? I’m _not_ delusional and I’d _never_ purposely start drama,” you hissed. “How the _hell_ did you even get the idea that I’d start rumors?”

“When Hwayoung confronted me about it–”

“Hwayoung?” you asked, appalled. “Hwayoung doesn’t know me and neither do you. Don’t blame me because I’m an easy scapegoat.”

“Then if it wasn’t you, it _had_ to be whoever you told,” Hongbin insisted.

“The only person I’ve told is my brother, and you _know_ he wouldn’t,” you hissed. Hongbin reared back slightly, swallowing. “What about the people _you_ told?”

“I didn’t tell anyone,” he defended, his expression turning more worried.

“Then it had to have been someone who overheard without us noticing,” you sighed.

“Fucking hell,” Hongbin cursed, dragging his hands down his face in exasperation. “This is a mess.”

“I’m sure it’ll blow over quickly,” you tried to reassure him, though your tone wasn’t convincing to your own ears.

“Not until another rumor about me pops up,” Hongbin sighed.

“If you’re worried about it, just tell them the truth or brush it off until something else comes up,” you suggested. “After all, you yanked me right of my classroom’s door. Within a few hours, it’s going to get around that _I’m_ your soulmate.”

“But you _aren’t_ ,” Hongbin snapped, voice cracking slightly. You shrank back, hurt by the sudden outburst. “I _know_ you’re not. I feel _nothing_ when I look at you.” The harsh words made you want to cry, but you held back.

“R-regardless, you’re _my_ soulmate,” you stuttered, just barely managing to keep your tone steady and audible. “And, and it’s not like these rumors are vicious. It’s not like I’m stopping you from seeing whoever you want to see.” Hongbin sighed, relaxing a bit.

“They’re not vicious, but they’re still harmful. Hwayoung was angry that I didn’t tell her and Seunghee immediately, and my other partners are probably too. It’s against Polyeros’s rules to not tell your partners if you find your soulmate.”

“Just h-how many do you have?” you croaked out, feeling incredibly uncomfortable that the subject had come up. Hongbin swallowed, cheeks flushing slightly as he shifted his weight nervously.

“T-that’s not important,” Hongbin stuttered. “But my reputation is at stake. The last thing I need is for people to doubt that I tell the truth.”

“You’re lying through omission,” you mumbled, dropping your eyes to the ground. “You didn’t want your thing with Seunghee to get out and you weren’t going to tell anyone about me, were you?” Hongbin gaped for a few seconds as he tried to figure out how to respond. You shifted nervously, ready to leave the situation all together. It was just one thing after another since your initial meeting with Hongbin, and all you wanted was to go back to your drama-free days before you met him.

“None of us need rumors,” Hongbin finally managed. You looked back up at him, clenching your hand tight to try to prevent the tugging at your pinky. “The people that need to know about Seunghee know, and they won’t gossip. It’s for her protection as much as mine. It’s how _she_ wants it.”

“Protection…” you half laughed-half mumbled. They had more priority in his life than you did and that hurt. He’d known them longer, so it made sense, but it hurt nonetheless. Your situation, whatever the bond formed by the string between you meant, was just as serious.

“Neither of _us_ need the rumors either. People are going to start treating you differently now,” Hongbin continued. You sighed.

“I’m sure people have said things about me behind my back my whole life. I’ve survived this long. If you don’t like the rumors, just ignore them. They’ll fade in time.”

“You don’t _understand_.”

“Maybe I don’t, but I don’t really see a way of stopping the rumors either.”

“The gods are fucking with me,” Hongbin groaned, lifting his hands to cover his face.

“Tell me about it,” you agreed quietly. He dragged his hands down his face with a sigh.

“I’m going to try to do damage control and find out the origin,” Hongbin announced, stepping towards the classroom door.

“Wait,” you called out. “Give me your number. If we have each other’s numbers, it’ll be easier to communicate,” you said, getting your phone out. Hongbin looked back at you, a skeptical look in his eyes. “Then you don’t have to drag me out of class if something happens again.” Hongbin sighed, pulling his phone from his pocket and pulling up his address book before handing you his phone. He took yours and entered his information quickly before handing it back. You returned his phone to him when you finished, avoiding his eyes.

“Don’t message me unnecessarily,” Hongbin warned. You flicked your gaze up briefly, dropping it again when you felt the warmth flutter in your chest. “I’ll contact you if anything else comes up.” He shoved his phone back in his pocket, letting out another heavy sigh. “I can’t believe I just gave my number to someone like you. If only you were more like Hwayoung,” he mumbled under his breath as he turned away. You swallowed thickly, fidgeting at the comment. It’d been something completely unnecessary. You took a step after him, deciding to speak up.

“If you still don’t believe me, we should go to a fayteseer,” you suggested. Hongbin paused and looked over his shoulder at you. “Then we can settle all of this once and for all.”

“Do you really think we need to go to one to get told what we already know?” Hongbin asked,

“It’ll give us peace of mind,” you insisted.

“Just like you’re sure I’m your soulmate, I’m _sure_ that you aren’t mine,” Hongbin said, voice sharp. “It’s just a waste of our time and money to go.” You shuffled, biting your tongue. It didn’t seem like pushing would help at the moment. In your silence, Hongbin shifted back towards the door. “I’ll let you know if I find the source of the rumors,” Hongbin said just before he opened the door.

You didn’t try to stop him this time, not moving for a few seconds after the door closed behind him. Confronting him always seemed to drain you, and his stubbornness on the subject of soulmates and about the rumors only seemed to exacerbate things even more. It just seemed like a waste of energy to fight the rumors, especially since you wanted to believe they were _true_. At least if you knew for certain that they were, you’d be able to rangle Hongbin into treating you more seriously than he was.

-.-.-.-.-

Hongbin had been right–as soon as it got around that Hongbin had dragged you away from your morning class and that rumor mingled with the one about his soulmate, people started acting _different_ around you, though it wasn’t to the level Hongbin likely expected. You weren’t exactly the most popular or well known person, and though you _were_ on friendly terms with most people in your major, you weren’t particularly close to any of them. Many people didn’t seem to care or react, but there was a small subset in your afternoon classes that just couldn’t help looking over at you, and a few people actually approached you with words of congratulations.

“You’re so lucky! Getting a guy like Hongbin! I always thought he’d end up with some model, but it give me hope for my soulmate,” had been the comment that stuck with you for the rest of the day. It sat uneasy in your stomach. You weren’t sure Hongbin was actually someone to desire as a soulmate. He’d seemed nice enough before you confronted him, but ever since you had, he’d been a complete bastard. But beyond the issue of Hongbin’s personality, that particular comment was shallow and somewhat insulting. It implied that the pairing of you and Hongbin was odd specifically because you weren’t as good looking as him or the women he spent his time with. It was another knife in your side concerning your looks, one that you’d have been much happier without.

Over the last few years, you’d carefully built your self confidence back up in the wake of your ex-boyfriend’s emotional abuse. You’d finally come to the point where you were comfortable with your looks and body image, that just because you didn’t look like a model or actress didn’t mean that you weren’t attractive in your own right. The fact that everyone was so focused on image, on the gap between your looks and Hongbin’s in a soulmate pair, despite the fact that the gods were literally shoving you together against your wills, was annoying and disheartening.

-.-.-.-.-

Ken returned home with a cut at the corner of his mouth, a slightly swollen cheek, and a box filled with an assortment of gourmet cake slices. He shoved your legs off the couch, where you’d settled down to unwind after class and subsequently ended up zoning out and brooding over your situation with Hongbin, tuning out the TV.  You sat up, bringing your legs up on the couch and knitting your brows in confusion.

“What happened to you?” you asked. Ken wrinkled his nose, opening his cake box and holding it out to you.

“Pick one,” he said, ignoring your question. You frowned, looking into the box at the cake. He’d gotten six slices; he was really upset.

“Just one?” you asked, looking back up at him.

“Two, if you really want.” You reached in and pulled out what looked like some kind of mixed fresh fruit cake and a slice of cheese cake. Ken set the box down on the coffee table and pulled out a slice of black forest cake–easily the largest slice of cake in the box–and peeled off the protective wrapping. Without bothering to get a plate or fork, he brought the cake to his lips and took a giant bite. He was _very_ upset. You rolled your eyes at Ken and got up, carrying your cake to the kitchen. Once you’d fetched a plate, fork and several paper towels, you returned to the living room. Ken had almost completely finished the black forest cake and his fingers and mouth were smeared with cream.

“Ok, what happened?” you asked, shoving the paper towels at Ken and sitting back down beside him. Ken swallowed and licked some of the cream from around his mouth, wincing when his tongue ran across the cut.

“Hongbin happened,” Ken said dryly before starting to lick the cream from his fingers.

“You talked to him after I texted you?” you asked, cutting into your fruit cake with a fork but not scooping it up.

“Yeah. I couldn’t let him go like that. I caught him during lunch,” Ken sighed, wiping his fingers off with one of the paper towels. “I thought I could get him to agree to go to the Fayteseer.” He dropped the paper towel on his lap and leaned forward to grab another piece of cake, this time a slice of strawberry shortcake. “He refused. Said you probably weren’t right in the head and were just using the whole soulmate thing to try to get in his pants, so I punched him.” He punctuated the sentence by taking a large bite of his cake. Feeling your blood start to boil, you stabbed the bit of cake you’d already cut off.

“The _hell?_ ” you hissed. “Why the hell would I ask to go to a Fayteseer if I were lying?”

“Hell if I know,” Ken agreed. You brought the speared bit of cake to your mouth, the sweet taste of the cream and fruit cutting the edge of your anger slightly. “After he punched me back, he told me to get you under control and then said something about not wanting another stalker. So I told him, if he can’t treat you with respect, then he can forget getting any from me.” Ken pulled his feet up on the couch and took another bite of his cake. You sighed, cutting off another piece of your own.

“Sorry,” you apologized, though you weren’t exactly sure if you were apologizing for what happened with Hongbin or for dragging Ken into this through being related.

“It’s not your fault,” Ken said sharply, a pout on his lips. “Whatever shit Hongbin likes to spew from his mouth, you aren’t in the wrong. I don’t know what his problem is, but I’m willing to bet it’s got something to do with his girl problems. I’m mean, he’s so uncharacteristically mean about all this,” Ken went on motioning wildly with his hand, tone taking on a grandmother-like twinge that he likely didn’t recognize in his anger. “He usually gives women he doesn’t like a polite cold shoulder but he’s _always_ had a complicated love life. He’s fucked almost half the girls in the arts, but he started getting more picky after his freshman year. Last year there were a few rumors about him having trouble with some stalkers, but I never cared to hear the details.”

“He did tell you he didn’t want another stalker, right? Maybe something about the way we’ve been shoved together by the gods triggered his memories of the stalkers… But that doesn’t explain why he gave me his number…” you mused.

“If that’s true, he’s probably playing along to play it safe. It’s not like he can’t get a new number… Plus, you could have just gotten it from me.”

“True,” you sighed, taking another bite of cake.

“It still doesn’t give him a proper excuse to brush off someone telling him that they’re his soulmate. Whatever his problem is, he’s a fuckapotamous. If he wants to fuck with the gods, they’re gonna fuck him right back.” Ken shoved the rest of his cake into his mouth.

“Unfortunately, they seem to be dragging me down with him,” you said dryly.

“It’ll sort out, just… give it time,” Ken tried to reassure once he’d swallowed. “When he realizes that this won’t just go away, he’ll come around.”

“I’d rather this be sorted _sooner_ rather than later,” you sighed, finishing off your fruit cake. You didn’t want things to snowball anymore.

-.-.-.-.-

The weekend brought tense musical performances for Ken, something he didn’t need as one of the main caste alongside Hongbin. You’d gone to watch on Friday night, and had been impressed. Ken had improved greatly since the last time you’d bothered to go to one of his plays or concerts, but you were also shocked by Hongbin. He wasn’t the best actor or singer, but he did a better job than much of the cast in both departments. He also looked divinely radiant on stage, a side of him you hadn’t noticed in all your encounters before–he’d looked good, but not _that_ good. It made you understand a little better just _why_ he was so popular.

You headed backstage after the show to congratulate Ken on a good first night of performances. Ken greeted you with a warm hug. When he pulled back, you noticed Hongbin inside the dressing room stripping off his accessories while chatting with a woman that was sitting at one of the vanities. When Ken noticed your distracted expression, he sighed.

“Hwayoung,” He explained quietly. “She helped out the costuming and makeup team.” You nodded in understanding, watching as Hwayoung took Hongbin’s accessories and stood. She was tall and thin, with the body and face of an idol or a model. She seemed to embody the type of woman Hongbin liked best, or at least what you imaged his type was. Finally seeing her didn’t make you jealous or angry, but it did give you a sinking sense of inadequacy. It wasn’t like you could _ever_ live up to expectations like that, but you weren’t particularly interested in that either.

“They look good together,” you mumbled as Hwayoung began to walk to the other side of the dressing room and out of your sight. Hongbin turned to watch her go and his eyes met yours. The goofy grin that had been on Hongbin’s lips melted off as the warmth bloomed in your chest and your pinky began to get yanked in his direction.

“Ah, I guess,” Ken replied to you, but you just patted him on the shoulder and slipped past him, stopping a few steps inside the dressing room. You could feel Ken’s disapproving eyes on your back, but you didn’t care. The situation between you and Hongbin wasn’t so bad that you couldn’t speak to each other at all. Hongbin stiffened, shifting his weight awkwardly.

“You did great,” you praised Hongbin, keeping eye contact despite the annoying yanking on your pinky. “It’s the first time I’ve seen you on stage, and I was really impressed.”

“Thanks,” Hongbin said stiffly.

“Your voice really has potential, but all the songs were too high for you,” you continued.

“You think so too?” a female voice asked. You broke eye contact with Hongbin, gaze falling on Hwayoung as she returned. “See? Others agree with me. You should stick to belting Park Hyoshin ballads,” she said to Hongbin, putting her hand on his shoulder as she slid against his side. “Who’s this?” she asked, looking over at you with a smile.

“I’m Ken’s sister,” you introduced yourself, preventing Hongbin from answering. Hwayoung’s eyes widened slightly, flickering behind you to Ken then back to you.

“Ah! You’re Hongbin’s–I mean, he’s your soulmate?” she asked, slightly taken aback but also happy. “I’m Hwayoung, it’s good to finally meet you. He’s been skirting around the topic of you so much that I was starting to think I wouldn’t ever meet you.” Hwayoung held out her hand for a handshake and you obliged. Hongbin shifted, visibly nervous over your interaction.

“It’s good to meet you too,” you said, taking your hand back. “Hongbin mentions you a lot, so I’ve been curious about you.” Hwayoung looked up at Hongbin, eyebrows raised.

“Really? Nothing bad, I hope,” she said, turning her attention back to you.

“Nothing but praise,” you said with a small smile, glancing over at Hongbin. He seemed like he wanted to say something but was holding back. Returning your gaze to Hwayoung, you shifted back. “I should go,” you said. “I’m not really supposed to be back here. I just came to congratulate Ken and Hongbin, which I’ve done, so…” you excused awkwardly. Hwayoung gave you a confused look, but Hongbin seemed relieved that you were leaving. You exchanged fast goodbyes and backed out of the dressing room quickly.

Ken caught you just outside the door, but whatever he said to you didn’t make it to your ears when you saw how relaxed Hongbin became when the threat of you was gone. The feeling of inadequacy welled up again and you tried to squash it down. It wasn’t Hwayoung herself that was causing the unsettling feeling, you realized. It was the gap in how Hongbin treated the two of you.

-.-.-.-.-

You spent the remainder of the weekend pushing thoughts of Hongbin out of your mind and focusing on work. You were only mildly successful. The dullness of your Monday classes did nothing to help you either. Come Tuesday morning you were wearing down mentally, but it was becoming easier to not think about how at ease Hongbin was with Hwayoung compared to with you.

You drug yourself from bed, not really wanting to go to your classes and potentially run into Hongbin or either of his lovers on campus. You took your time going down the hallway towards the bathroom, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. Upon reaching the bathroom, you froze in the doorway, brows knitting in confusion when you realized Ken was already inside–he rarely ever woke up before you.

“I’m sick,” Ken sniffled with a pout, looking up at you from where he sat crosslegged under a blanket in front of the toilet. He looked it by the pallor of his skin, and the gagging wretch he suddenly made only cemented it. You quickly backed out of the bathroom door and turned away when he turned back to the toilet to vomit. You waited until the heaving noises died down to return to the bathroom.

“Do you need me to do anything?” you asked, hoping that you wouldn’t catch whatever he had.

“I have a paper due and a box of props that I was supposed to take into Dr. Seo today. Turn them in for me please?” Ken begged.

“Can’t you just email the paper? And turn in the box another day?” you asked, not really wanting to drop by one of his classes.

“My sister doesn’t love me enough to help me out even though I’ve been bending over backwards to help work things out with her soulmate,” Ken moaned, hanging his head pathetically. “I even got _punched_ for you–”

“I’ll take in the damn paper and box!” you cut him off, not in the mood for his whining at all. Ken looked back up at you with a grin, but just as he was about to open his mouth, he gagged and quickly turned back to the toilet. You snatched your face wash and makeup bag from the counter and escaped to the kitchen to start getting ready for the day. After getting dressed and leaving a glass of water next to Ken, you slipped into a pair of sandals and left for school with Ken’s things.

-.-.-.-.-.-

You didn’t have time to turn Ken’s paper and box in until after your second class of the day. Ken said it’d be fine to drop it off _at_ the classroom if you didn’t have time to swing by the professor’s office beforehand, so you swang by the designated classroom a few minutes before the class was supposed to start. When you popped your head into the classroom you looked around to see if Dr. Seo had already arrived. When you spotted him in the corner of the room directing students were to move furniture and various other props around the classroom, you slipped in.

“Excuse me, Dr. Seo?” you called out tentatively, feeling extremely out of place and awkward. He turned to face you, quickly becoming confused when he didn’t recognize your face.

“Can I help you?” he asked, closing the distance to you.

“I’m Ken’s sister,” you quickly explained. “He’s sick with a stomach virus, so he asked me to turn in some things for him. I’m sorry I couldn’t get them to you sooner.” You held out the box of props with Ken’s paper on top.

“Stomach bug? Aish, that kid can’t catch a break,” Dr. Seo said, shaking his head. He took the box from you. “Thank you for bringing these for him. And it’s good to finally put a face to a name. He’s been bragging about you and your older brothers since the first class he took with me. Not to mention everyone’s been talking about you and Hongbin lately. Congratulations on finding your soulmate.” You flushed slightly, feeling even more awkward.

“T-thank you,” you stuttered, shrinking back slightly.

“Dr. Seo, where do you want this?” You froze when you recognized the voice coming from behind you–Hongbin.

“Well speak of the devil,” Dr. Seo laughed. “Hongbin, nevermind that for now. Come over here, your soulmate’s here.” You started mentally freaking out. You should have _known_ something like this would happen with the way the gods had been forcing encounters every few days. You turned to face Hongbin nervously, not sure how he’d react to your presence this time. Hongbin’s shoulders were stiff and his face was fighting to keep a neutral expression–he obviously wasn’t happy that you were there. He was carrying a large wooden crate, no doubt another prop for whatever they were doing today. Dr. Seo beckoned Hongbin over again and this time Hongbin obeyed.

“What are you doing here?” Hongbin asked, tone stiff and unhappy.

“Ken’s sick, so…” you answered awkwardly, pointing towards the box you’d just given Dr. Seo.

“Ah,” he mumbled. He looked behind you to Dr. Seo. “Where do you want this?” he asked, nodding to the box. “My arms feel ready to snap.”

“What? Is it too heavy for you?” a woman teased, coming up to hit Hongbin on the back–Seunghee you realized. The jab startled Hongbin and he stumbled forward, the box slipping out of his hands and landing on your unprotected toes. It took a second for the weight of the box and the pain in your toes to register–the damn thing was at least half your weight and it damn _hurt_. Tears welled up in your eyes uncontrollably at the pain and you let out a whine. The next few moments were a blur, but the box was removed and you were guided to sit _on_ it.

You grimaced when you finally got a good look at your toes–the nail on the big toe had cracked and cut into the toe itself, causing blood to start welling up. Beyond that, where the edge of the box had landed left scrapes on your toes, and everything throbbed terribly. You winced again when Dr. Seo kneeled down in front of you and took your foot to inspect the damage.

“I’m so sorry!” Seunghee apologized. “I didn’t think–”

“It’s not your fault,” Hongbin cut her off. “I was the one that didn’t have a good grip on the box. I’m the one to blame,” he covered for her. “Sorry,” he said, this time directed at you.

“It’s ok,” you hissed, though you weren’t happy in the least. First a sprained ankle and now _smashed_ _toes_. It seemed the gods were out to permanently screw up your feet in the name of forcing you and Hongbin together.

“She needs to go to the clinic. Hongbin, take her over,” Dr. Seo instructed.

“Me?” Hongbin squeaked. “They’re just finishing setting up. If I take her–”

“You’re her soulmate, aren’t you?” Dr. Seo cut him off. Hongbin flinched. “Take responsibility. Besides, you’re the strongest one here, right? The others will get along fine without you for the first half of class. You have a valid excuse to be gone.”

“I’ll go by myself, I’ll be fine,” you insisted. “He doesn’t have to miss class. It’s not like I can’t walk.”

“Nonsense. You just had a crate full of books dropped on your foot. Your toes are already swelling and you’re bleeding. I know you’re just trying to be strong, but sometimes strength comes from letting people help you,” Dr. Seo pressed.

“I can still walk–” you tried to object again, but Dr. Seo ignored you, getting up and shoving Hongbin towards you.

“You’ll get to the nurse’s office faster if he carries you,” Dr. Seo said. Hongbin stared down at you, a mix of skepticism and reluctance. Dr. Seo smacked Hongbin on the back, and Hongbin stumbled slightly. “Go. The sooner she gets ice, the better.” Hongbin sighed, turning around and lowering down so you could get on his back. You swallowed, not comfortable with the idea of getting a piggy back ride from Hongbin at all. Still, Dr. Seo didn’t seem like he was going to give up, so you crawled onto his back and wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

Hongbin stood, stumbling a bit under your weight. Hiking you up on his back, he mumbled something about you being heavier than he thought. After a moment, he headed for the door, bending a bit under you. Once out in the hall, he heaved a frustrated sigh, pausing to hike you up on his back again. You gripped him tighter as he started to walk again.

“I can’t believe your luck,” Hongbin complained. “It’s like your feet are injury magnets.”

“They weren’t before I met you,” you snarked back. “It’s really inconvenient.”

“You’re telling me,” Hongbin said dryly. His pace was slow, and his steps were a bit uneasy as he continued down the hallway. He paused again to hike you up, almost losing his balance when he did so. You squeaked in fear, gripping him tighter, but luckily he regained his balance quickly. “I’m the strongest, he said,” Hongbin groaned as he started down the hall again. “He should have asked someone else to come along to help. It’s not like you’re a feather like Hwayoung or Seunghee.” You bit your tongue, enraged at the comment. After accounting for the height difference, you probably didn’t weigh terribly much more than Hwayoung, but the comment hurt terribly nonetheless.

“At least it’s not far,” you tried to placate passively as he neared the stairwell in the middle of the hallway.

“I don’t think I can do the stairs,” Hongbin complained, pausing and hiking you up on his back. “I think I’ll fall down them if I attempt it.”

“The elevator in this building’s been broken for the last week. I can go the rest of the way myself if you think you can’t do it,” you offered, trying desperately to keep your tone unoffended. It was only one flight to the ground floor and the nurse was in the next building over.

“If I go back now, Dr. Seo will know I just left you,” Hongbin said, taking a step towards the stairs. You tightened your grip again, burying your face in his shoulder as he started down. He released one of your legs to steady himself with the rail, going down slightly slower than he’d been going down the hall. He got to the bottom of the stairs without any mishaps, and paused to hike you up his back again. “Aish, I feel like my legs are going to snap,” Hongbin complained. “I need to do more leg exercises.” Your patience snapped. One or two jabs about your weight were easy to brush off, but he just kept going.

“Hongbin,” you murmured, shushing him. “Let me down.”

“Eh?” Hongbin asked surprised. “We’re almost there.”

“I’m too heavy, right? Let me down. I’ll walk the rest of the way.”

“But your foot–” You hit him on the shoulder, drawing a hiss from him.

“You didn’t even want to take me in the first place. Don’t pretend to care now,” you hissed.

“ _You_ didn’t want _me_ to to take you either,” Hongbin hissed back, starting to walk again.

“I said that because I know _you_ don’t want to be around _me_ ,” you explained. “I get it, ok? I’m not your ideal type. Every time we’re together you bring up Hwayoung and Seunghee like they’re some standard I should achieve to be worthy of your attention. If you like them so much, then go to them. I don’t care. I’m not going to compete with them. We’re a bad match and we both know it, so don’t rub it in every chance you get.”

“We aren’t a ma–” Hongbin started to protest, but before he could finish the sentence, you buried your hand in his hair at the top of his head and yanked hard. He cried out, losing balance as you jerked his head back roughly, stumbling and toppling over just in front of the exit. You hit your head on the door and bloodied toes on the tile, causing you to hiss in double pain, tears pricking your eyes. You quickly rolled off Hongbin, reaching for your foot to attempt to sooth the pain away with pressure just above the tender toes. “What the hell?!” Hongbin hissed. You swallowed down your tears and the pain.

“I can’t _believe_ you’re still in denial over us being soulmates,” you snapped. “Keep denying it. I’m done trying to make this work when you so obviously don’t give a damn about what happens to us.” You pushed yourself to your feet, careful to keep pressure off your injured toes. “I don’t see why you’re popular at all.”

“You’re the one that’s relationship seeking,” Hongbin hissed, getting up. You clenched your hands into fists, trying not to lash out at the barb. It seemed like he was lobbing any fodder he could find in order to regain his pride. “Ken told me, you wanted to date your soulmate. I shouldn’t have to entertain a girl I’m not interested in just because she claims to be my soulmate.”

“At one point I wanted a relationship with my soulmate, yeah, but I realize now that I was an idiot for putting my hopes on something like that,” you spat calmly. “You never even gave me a chance, never even made an effort to actually talk things out with me. I don’t know what you’re looking for in a relationship, but not every girl wants your dick, so stop jumping to conclusions.” You shoved the door open, lobing your final barb, “Keep denying everything. We can talk when you come to your _fucking_ senses.” You limped away from the building, tuning out whatever pathetic barb Hongbin tossed at your back. You were so upset the pain in your toes had dulled, but you felt so much better now that everything was off your chest.

-.-.-.-.-

It didn’t take long after your fight with Hongbin for news to spread across campus that Hongbin had had a public falling out with a woman. At the time you’d gone off at him, it hadn’t occurred to you that your argument was potentially audible in any of the small classrooms near the door. You were confronted twice about the fight before you left campus, and both times you brushed them off by telling them it wasn’t their business. If nothing else, you were glad that you had the night off. Between Hongbin and your foot, you weren’t in the mood to deal with your coworkers or the customers.

When you got home, Ken was curled up on the sofa in a blanket, a steaming mug of something cradled in his hands. You carefully peeled your sandals off and limped into the living room. Ken squinted his eyes at you, taking in your less than happy appearance.

“Ken, set me up with one of your friends,” you said, voice sharper than you’d intended.

“Eh? What happened?” he asked, straightening up slightly.

“I’m done dealing with Hongbin’s unrealistic standards and bullshit,” you explained, making your way over to the coffee table and plopping down on the floor across from Ken.

“What did he do?” Ken asked. “And what happened to your foot?”

“He accidently dropped a supply box on my foot. Dr. Seo made him carry me to the nurse and while he did, he kept complaining about how heavy I was,” you explained curtly. Ken stared at you slack jawed. “And it really didn’t help that he was being nice to basically everyone but me. I told him off. It’s already gotten around school.” Ken leaned forward and put his mug on the coffee table before leaning back.

“Okay, tell me again from the beginning,” Ken requested. You complied, recounting how everything happened in more detail. When you were done, Ken sank back into the couch cushions with a sigh. “So you want me to set you up on a date, why?” You sighed, dropping your gaze to your hand in your lap.

“I’ve been waiting for my soulmate my whole life, and obviously with it being a guy like Hongbin, I’m not going to have the kind of relationship I always wanted.” You looked up at Ken. “He’s not going to make me happy, so I want to find someone that will.” Ken sighed, turning his head away from you.

“And you think that one of my friends can do that?” he asked.

“You knew Hongbin and I wouldn’t get along, so I trust in your ability to play matchmaker,” you explained. Ken let himself fall sideways on the couch, sighing again.

“Okay. I’ll see what I can do,” he agreed. He extended his hand towards you. “Go get my phone from my room, I don’t feel like moving.” He coughed and sniffled and you were suddenly reminded that he’d been vomiting this morning. Feeling a little guilty, you stood with a nod.

“Thanks, and sorry, I was so mad I forgot about this morning,” you apologized. Ken waved you off, shaking his head. “Do you want me to get you anything while I’m up?”

“More ginger-lemon tea and some saltines, please,” Ken requested, tone turning childish and cutesy.

-.-.-.-.-

Before the night had even finished, Ken had managed to set you up on a blind date with one of his friends from a different college–Ravi. Friday at six, meet at a coffee house. Once he was over his stomach bug, Ken sprang back with twice as much energy as he’d had before. You wouldn’t have minded this if it hadn’t been for that fact that he was now pouring that energy into playing matchmaker and trying to prepare you for the date. When you weren’t at home dealing with Ken, you were shutting down anyone that dared to ask you about Hongbin. You’d spent the rest of the week avoiding Hongbin whenever you saw him on campus–which happened more often than you’d thought would be possible given the fact that you’d never run into him before meeting him at your part-time job.

As soon as you got home from your classes on Friday afternoon, you set about primping for your date. Ken had described Ravi as someone that took fashion very seriously, so you took an embarrassingly long time picking out your outfit, having a hard time settling on something that went well with your sandals. Being the only shoes you you could wear with your purple-bruised toes, you didn’t have much of a choice but to work around them. You settled on an outfit and finished your makeup with barely anytime to spare.

When you arrived at the coffee shop, Ravi was already seated at a small table in clear view of the entrance with two drinks, scribbling something on a napkin. You crossed the room to him, puffing yourself up with confidence the best you could.

“Sorry, Ravi?” you asked, when you got close enough. Ken had only given you two pictures to go off of, and neither of them had prepared you for how good looking he’d be in person. He’d been in sweats in the only non-selca-esque photo that Ken showed you (which Ravi probably would have killed Ken for if he knew), but the man that looked up at you and smiled was incredibly well put together. Winged eyeliner (that was much better than your own), skinny jeans, and a lightweight knit shirt. “Did you wait long?” Ravi shook his head, standing up.

“Not at all,” Ravi said, motioning to the seat across from the one he’d been sitting in. “I hope you don’t mind that I got you a drink. Ken said you liked green tea frappes, so…” You looked down at the table to the small green tea frappe; it looked like it hadn’t been long since he’d gotten it.

“You didn’t have to, but thank you,” you said with a small smile as you sat down. Ravi retook his seat. Once you were both seated, you asked Ravi about what he had been scribbling on the napkin and conversation just flowed from there. As you’d expect from one of Ken’s friends, Ravi was into music composition. Ravi had been jotting down lyrics, inspiration having struck not long before you walked in the door.

Ravi was charming, cheesey, and cute, which gave you the sense that he was a toned down version of your brothers. Perhaps it was that resemblance that left you missing that _spark_ that had been present the few times you’d liked guys in the past. Even when you moved from the coffee shop to a restaurant, then to the park, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were out with one of your brothers. It wasn’t a completely _bad_ thing. It meant that you enjoyed the night out, thoroughly enjoyed his company; you just didn’t feel a romantic spark. You were starting to worry how to break that to him as the night came to an end, but he beat you to it.

“This started off as a date, but now it just feels like an outing with a good friend,” Ravi said casually as you neared the exit of the park.

“You feel it too, huh?” you said, relieved. “It’s not awkward, just doesn’t feel like a date.”

“Right. It’s been great talking and getting to know you, but there’s no,” he paused, tilting his head to the side and bringing his hand over his chest, “no pitter patter. Rather I just feel at ease.” You laughed at his description and he grinned, pushing down a laugh of his own. “Ken said I’d like you, and he’s right, but not like that,” he continued more seriously. He shook his head, dropping his gaze to the ground “This conversation is getting awkward.”

“No, I understand,” you said with a small smile. “Ken said I’d like _you_ , and he was right, just not like that,” you repeated using Ravi’s wording. “But I guess this means no second date, huh?” you mused aloud, turning your eyes up towards the sky.

“No, but I wanna see you again,” Ravi said, looking at you. You dropped your gaze to look at him. “As friends.”

“I’d like that,” you agreed.

-.-.-.-.-

The non-date ended with good spirits and a number exchange. When you got home, Ken was almost pinging off the walls in anticipation of hearing about the date. He was disappointed when you told him that it had ended in friendship rather than another date, but he didn’t want to give up playing matchmaker. He insisted that he had one more friend that you’d work well with, and proceeded to set up the date. The fact that he was so into playing matchmaker amused you, but it wore you down quickly.

“His name is Leo, and he’s also got some special issues with his soulmate. He’s a shy guy at first, but I know you’ll like him. He likes to beat me up when I piss him off, so at the very least you can talk pummeling techniques,” Ken had explained. You’d hit him for the last bit, but his descriptions of Leo left you excited for the next Friday night. It made Wednesday an even more painful hump day than usual. You were tired of classes, avoiding Hongbin, and dealing with your coworkers.

Once your classes ended for the day, you felt a little relief. Your shift at work was going to be an easy one, Wednesdays usually being the slow evening of the week. As you left the building your last class had been in, you came face to face with Hwayoung. You panicked momentarily, unsure what to do. You started to open your mouth to greet her but she beat you to it.

“I’ve been looking all over for you,” she said, a mix of emotions that you weren’t sure how to read present in her voice. “We need to talk.” You raised your eyebrows in confusion.

“Right now?” you asked.

“Yes,” she said, grabbing your wrist and dragging you towards the library.

“What is this all about?” you asked, not liking getting dragged off _again_. The last time this happened it hadn’t ended well, and you doubted it would this time either. “Is it about Hongbin?”

“Yes, but we can’t talk about it where someone might hear us,” Hwayoung explained, obviously defensive about the subject. You clamped your mouth shut, allowing her to drag you inside the library. She pulled you into one of the sound proofed study rooms before letting your wrist go.

“So what is this about?” you asked as soon as she faced you.

“You were the one that gave it to Hongbin, weren’t you?” Hwayoung asked. You stared at her in confusion, her question not helping clear up the reason she’d pulled you aside.

“Gave him what?” you asked.

“You can’t not know. Chlamydia,” she answered sharply, tone slightly panicked. You jerked back in shock, not expecting that answer. “It has to be you. You’re the only connection that’s unaccounted for.”

“Me? You think _I_ gave him an STD?” you asked in shock. Of all the things to get accused of, that was the last one you’d expected.

“He didn’t have it before he met you, and neither did anyone else. It _has_ to be you,” she insisted. “You’re his soulmate after all.”

“You really think he’d sleep with me?” you asked, almost laughing at the ridiculous accusation. “Like, you really think he would? Soulmate or not, I’m not his type. Haven’t you heard the rumors? We don’t get along. You should know _damn well_ he’d never touch me willingly. Someone at Polyeros is lying.”

“What would anyone from Polyeros gain from lying?” Hwayoung hissed. “All that does is put a lot of people at risk. Anyone that got caught doing that would get banned.” You sighed, shaking your head.

“I don’t know. To save their own ass? Lots of people are scumbags.”

“The people at Polyeros _aren’t_ bad. They wouldn’t _do_ something so stupid,” Hwayoung defended. You put your hands up defensively edging back slightly.

“Look, this issue doesn’t involve me,” you said, beyond ready for the conversation to end. “I haven’t talked to Hongbin in almost two weeks. I’m sorry that he got you into this mess, but I’m _really_ not involved. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to get to work.” Hwayoung deflated, her expression turning exhausted and forlorn. You backed up to the door, but before you opened it, you decided to give her what little reassurance you could. “You don’t have to worry about me mentioning this to anyone else. It’ll bring too many people down, and I’m not interested that.” Hwayoung scoffed, bringing a hand up to her face, looking like she was staving off an imminent break down. You took that as your chance to leave.

-.-.-.-.-

Come Friday, you were more than ready for the distraction your date would provide. You hadn’t managed to shake the news that Hongbin had caught an STD from your mind. The thought that it was divine retribution for the disfunction in your relationship kept bubbling forth. As angry as you were at Hongbin, that kind of news was more unsettling that satisfying. Smashed toes and damaged personal belongings were frustrating and expensive enough, but at least those occurrences were localized to one or two people. An STD, on the other hand, was capable of affecting many people and that left you extremely uncomfortable with how quickly the gods were escalating the bad luck. You’d managed to make it two weeks since your fight with Hongbin without a major incident, and that left you a little weary.

Despite all of that, you were excited for the date. Even if anything went wrong, at least part of your night would be good. Ken had done a good job of pumping you up for the date, and you agreed with him that it was the best way to distract you from Hongbin. You took less time getting ready for this date than you had for Ravi, but were no less satisfied with the outfit. You were out the door with plenty of time to spare.

Leo had requested to meet at a small statue downtown that served as a popular meeting spot. As you neared the intersection before the small courtyard with the statue, you checked your phone for the time. You’d be about ten minutes early for the date. You finished crossing the street just as the light turned, your heart rate picking up a bit in your excitement. You spotted Leo almost as soon as the statue came into view, but quickly realized that he was talking to a young man that you didn’t recognize. You slowed your steps, watching the pair carefully, wondering why they were together. Leo swept his gaze over the crowd and his eyes met yours. He waved you over and you quickened your steps to close the distance between you two.

“You’re already here,” you said when you were only a few feet away from Leo.

“He was nervous,” the man beside him said, earning an elbow to his side. Leo stepped closer to you, demeanor growing a bit embarrassed and nervous, and greeted you more formally. You took Leo’s hand when he offered it to you, shaking it as you introduced yourself more formally. The atmosphere around Leo was _completely_ different than it’d been around Ravi. He was nervous, but his eyes were wide and very attentive, unlike his expression he’d had in the photos Ken showed you. His voice had been a lot softer than you’d expected as well, given his hard features. The other man shifted behind Leo, clearing his throat and drawing your attention away from Leo.

“Who are you?” you asked, looking at him over Leo’s shoulder. Leo shifted back slightly, also turning his attention to him.

“Me?” the young man asked, pointing at himself. “I’m Leo’s soulmate, Hyuk.” You blinked at him in confusion for a few seconds. Soulmates? “Your brother didn’t tell you did he?” Hyuk asked into the awkward silence that developed in your shock. You shook your head, finding words hard in that very moment. Leo sighed, looking between you and Hyuk.

“We’ll explain at the restaurant,” Leo said. He shoved his hands in his pants pockets and nodded towards the far crosswalk. You followed the two men down the street to a sit down family restaurant. Once you were seated across from the two in a booth and had been served your drinks, you restarted the conversation.

“So you’re soulmates?” you asked, looking between them. Both nodded. You stared at them, unsure what to say. This was an odd situation. By most accounts, one’s soulmate was the gender one was attracted to. Following _that_ logic, Ken had just set you up with a man that was likely gay or bisexual, and that man had just shown up to a date _with_ his soulmate. You opened your mouth to say something, but words still wouldn’t come so you shut your mouth. This certainly wasn’t what you’d hyped yourself up for.

“We’re both straight,” Leo explained after a few painfully awkward moments, holding his coffee cup in both hands.

“Soulmates don’t have to be lovers,” Hyuk continued with a sheepish smile. “We’re still coming to terms with that ourselves, but what we’ve been doing has worked so far.”

“Special issues with your soulmate, indeed,” you sighed, slouching in your booth. “So why did you come along? I thought my date was just Leo.”

“Aaah, well,” Hyuk stalled trying to find his words. “Both of us decided that we wanted to get girlfriends, but Leo doesn’t have any dating experience. I came along for moral support.” Hyuk’s grin turned mischievous as he talked, but no sooner were the words out then Leo had elbowed him in the side.

“He was supposed to leave before you arrived,” Leo corrected. “But he didn’t.”

“I wanted to meet you,” Hyuk explained. “See what kinda girl my soulmate was out with.” Leo’s hand disappeared under the table and Hyuk flinched back with a whine, hands going down to his leg and prying Leo’s hand away. You choked down a laugh at the exchange. This wasn’t what you’d expected at all and the situation felt extremely awkward, but you certainly couldn’t blame Hyuk. Had Hongbin actually tried to work things out with you, you’d have been more curious about the women he was currently seeing.

“Pardon him, he’s a brat,” Leo apologized. Hyuk sat back in the booth, side-eying Leo. “Ken said you were having trouble with your soulmate too?”

“Ah, yeah,” you said, dropping your gaze to the table. “When I look at my soulmate, I feel the signs clear as day, but he can’t feel them at all. He doesn’t believe me, so he shut me out. I got tired of it, so now I’m just trying to make the best of my situation,” you explained. You looked back up at the pair, trying to gauge their reaction. Hyuk seemed sympathetic, but Leo looked lost in thought. You shifted nervously.

“That situation sucks,” Hyuk offered.

“I try not to think about it much these days,” you said. Leo looked up at you, sharp gaze catching yours.

“Is your soulmate Lee Hongbin?” Leo asked. The question was so out of the blue you were knocked speechless for a split second.

“Y-yeah,” you stuttered in reply. “You know Hongbin?” you asked. Leo nodded.

“I graduated from your college last year. We talk often,” Leo explained.

“How did you know it was him?” you asked.

“He…” Leo started but trailed off, seeming like he was choosing his words carefully. “After the rumors about him meeting his soulmate came out, he came to me for advice. He said he thought you were just making things up, but after that conversation, he suffered a lot of bad luck,” he explained carefully. “He seemed… bitter about his match.”

“He thinks I’m crazy, like a stalker or something,” you laughed under your breath. “Never took the time to get to know me. I bet he still doesn’t believe me. He kept refusing to go to a fayteseer.”

“He might be starting to believe you now,” Leo said, fidgeting with his cup of coffee.

“Eh? What makes you say that?” you asked. Leo licked his lips, glancing around before settling his eyes back on you.

“The bad luck,” Leo answered cryptically. He was obviously uneasy talking about the specifics.

“I know a good fayteseer,” Hyuk offered. “We can drag Hongbin down there for a line reading. Tonight even, if we can get a hold of him. The temple’s still open at this time.” Leo hummed in agreement.

“You have to work something out or the bad luck will get worse,” Leo advised.

“Honestly, I haven’t really had any bad luck since the last time he and I talked,” you said, reaching out for your glass of soda and twirling it in the ring of condensation that was forming at its base. “I had more bad luck when I was trying to sort it out. And even if we do go talk to him, he’ll refuse again. He even got into a fight with Ken over it.” Leo cocked a brow and looked over at Hyuk, who shifted somewhat nervously in his chair.

“He’ll listen to me,” Leo said, turning back to you.

“If you’re his friend, why aren’t you taking his side?” you asked, genuinely wondering.

“When he initially came to me, I stayed neutral,” Leo explained. “That was a mistake. From what he told me, I couldn’t tell if you were another stalker or really his soulmate. I should have told him to go to a fayteseer.”

“So he really _did_ have a stalker?” you asked, chest feeling heavy. Leo nodded.

“At the end of his freshman year,” Leo said. You sighed, leaning forward and covering your face. This was a fine mess of a situation. His behavior made a bit more sense now, but it didn’t explain why he couldn’t feel the signs nor did it excuse how shitty he’d been treating you.

“Uhm,” Hyuk spoke up. “Nothing’ll get solved if we just keep sitting around. We’ll drag him to the fayteseer by force if he won’t go willingly.”

“It’s the least I can do to make sure that he stops acting like an idiot,” Leo agreed. You looked up at the two men, unsure that it would work, yet hoping that it would. Maybe the gods had had you meet tonight to help sort everything out–at least you prayed that was the reason.

“Thank you,” you said.

“Do you know if he’s out tonight?” Hyuk asked Leo. Leo reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He checked the time while biting his lip then sighed.

“Probably at Polyeros. He goes almost every Friday,” Leo answered.

“Then we’ll go to Polyeros,” Hyuk said, sliding out of the booth.

-.-.-.-.-

You weren’t quite sure what you were expecting Polyeros to be, but it somehow wasn’t what you’d thought. You barely met the dress code for the venue and the bouncer had subjected you to a short questionnaire before doling out wristbands to each of you–neon pink for female seeking male, electric blue for male seeking female, neon yellow for having found one’s soulmate. There were other band colors, but you didn’t know what they meant. You were also each given a condom, which you awkwardly slipped into your pocket.

The lighting inside was dim and tinted pink, and the decor was pink with black accents. The music was so loud that you could feel the bass pounding in your chest. The club like atmosphere, dance floor, and bar were expected, but the presence of rentable rooms for sex had caught you off guard. The presence of such rooms made the possibility of finding Hongbin harder.

You stuck close to Leo’s back as he moved through the crowd. His tall height and intimidating poker face seemed to work to your advantage as it made people move out of the way easier, but you could feel the lingering gazes of interest in your direction. Hyuk followed just behind you, eyes roaming the the crowd on the dance floor. Leo led the way to a platform along the far side of the club, where people watching would be easier. However, halfway there, you spotted Hwayoung at the bar. You grabbed the back of Leo’s shirt and tugged. He stopped and turned to you, eyebrow cocked in question. You tugged on his shirt again and he leaned down so you could yell into his ear. Once the message was conveyed, he straightened and nodded towards the bar in signal to Hyuk.

As soon as you were close enough that you thought you’d be heard, you called out to Hwayoung. She looked around for a second before she spotted you, and once she did, she stiffened slightly. You quickly closed the remaining distance between you, slipping past Leo.

“I never thought I’d see you in a place like this,” Hwayoung said when you got close enough to hear her without much outright yelling. Leo and Hyuk came to a stop behind you, just close enough that you were conscious of their presence. “What are you doing here?” she asked with a bit of distaste in her expression, nodding at the men behind you.

“Looking for Hongbin,” you answered, earning a look of confusion mixed with disgust.

“You’re looking for _him_ when you have two guys already?” Hwayoung asked, crossing her arms across her chest.

“I’m not here for fun or to show off,” you said. “He’s Hongbin’s friend,” you elaborated, motioning to Leo. “And he said it’s time to force Hongbin to sit down and talk. He said Hongbin’s been having a lot of bad luck.” Hwayoung shifted uncomfortably. “Do you have any idea where he is?”

“You’re wearing a yellow band,” Hwayoung said, avoiding your question and starting at the band on your lifted hand.

“We all are,” Hyuk said, holding up his arm so it’d be visible. Hwayoung looked over at Hyuk, giving him a once over before relaxing a bit.

“Some guy pulled Hongbin out the back door of the club a few minutes ago. Neither of them looked happy. I think it might be related to that… _thing_ we talked about the other day,” Hwayoung said, referring to your conversation about Hongbin contracting an STD. “He’s been trying to root out the source of his current problems all week.” Leo gripped your shoulder and nudged you in the direction of the back door.

“Thank you,” you said before Leo slipped past you and caught your wrist loosely as he head towards the door. You couldn’t hear Hwayoung’s reply but it didn’t matter much in the long run. Leo let go of your wrist not long after you’d cleared and bar and focused full on cutting a path through the crowd for you and Hyuk. When the door was in sight, you picked up your speed and slipped past Leo.

You opened the door to a scuffle and quickly realized that it was Hongbin and another man. Leo quickly moved past you into the alley behind the club as the unknown man landed a punch on Hongbin jaw. Hongbin stumbled back into the wall, hands coming up to his jaw as he recoiled. Hyuk slipped past you to tend to Hongbin and you stepped outside, letting the door fall closed behind you, attention quickly returning to Leo land a series of punches on Hongbin’s attacker. The man stumbled back, hesitating for a moment as he recovered before backing away more.

“Stay the _fuck_ away from Soeun,” the man spat before taking off towards the front of the club, obviously not finding a fight with Leo worthwhile. Leo turned on his heel and faced Hongbin, who was recovering a few feet away from you.

“Thanks,” Hongbin croaked out, wiping blood away from the corner of his mouth, “but what are you doing here?” You turned your full attention to Hongbin, wincing when you saw the cuts and swelling on his cheekbone and forehead.

“Looking for you,” Leo answered curtly.

“What’s your soulmate here for?” Hongbin asked in confusion.

“Helping him,” Hyuk answered for Leo.

“What could you possibly–” Hongbin started, pushing off the wall and turning towards the door you were standing in front. He stopped mid sentence and reared back against the wall when he realized you were standing there. “What the fuck is _she_ doing here?” Hongbin asked in panic.

“We brought her here,” Leo answered curtly.

“But _why_?” Hongbin asked.

“Because it’s time to stop fighting this,” Leo replied, grabbing Hongbin’s arm and dragging him away from the wall.

“Get off me!” Hongbin yelled, fighting to get out of Leo’s grip. “Whatever she told you is bull, she’s crazy.” You flinched at the insult. Hearing him actually say what you knew he thought hurt deeper than you thought.

“You’re going to a fayteseer,” Leo said firmly.

“I’m not going,” Hongbin refused, attempting to pry Leo’s hand off. Leo only jerked Hongbin in closer, getting in his face.

“You _are_ ,” Leo growled. Hongbin stilled, eyes widening in fear.

“I don’t want to see you any more than you want to see me, but we both deserve closure about this,” you said, stepping forward hesitantly. Hongbin’s gaze flicked to you and you could feel the warmth in your chest and the tug at your pinky when your eyes met.

“I don’t get a choice, do I?” Hongbin asked.

“No,” Leo answered, starting to drag Hongbin down the street towards the train station. You and Hyuk followed in silence. Everyone stayed stayed quiet even as you boarded the train and moved to the corner of the car, staying as far from other passengers as possible. You could smell alcohol on Hongbin, but he didn’t seem tipsy or drunk at all. At the very least, the fight probably sobered him up, but he obviously wasn’t in a good mood. His jaw was set, and his eyes darted back and forth between you and Leo.

“How do you even know each other?” Hongbin asked after a few minutes of stifling silence.

“Ken set us up on a blind date,” you answered. “I didn’t even know they knew you.” Hongbin sighed, bringing a hand up to cover his face.

“The gods are fucking with me,” he mumbled gripping the support pole he was leaned against tighter. The more you watched him, the more obvious it because that his face wasn’t the only place that had received blows in the fight.

“Why did that man mention Soeun?” Leo asked after a few moments silence. Hongbin straightened slightly a the question and cleared his throat.

“Her soulmate,” Hongbin answered. “He’s still got it out for me.”

“Does he have a reason to be?” Leo asked. Hongbin remained silent, keeping his eyes trained at the floor in front of his feet. Whatever happened, he wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. You sighed, gripping the support handle you were holding on to tighter. Hopefully his untalkative mood wouldn’t bleed into your visit with the fayteseer.

-.-.-.-.-

The temple that Hyuk and Leo led you to was small and looked a little worse for wear. The sign above the door was worn, but the letters still clearly said “Temple of the Sun Goddess”. You vaguely recognized the place, having passed it twice on your date with Ravi when going to the nearby park, but you hadn’t thought much of it at the time. It obviously wasn’t one of the more popular temples in town by its outer looks, and you figured that the large temple a few train stops over prevented this one from getting much patronship. You shifted nervously, looking back at the men.

“N’s a character, but he’s good at his job,” Hyuk reassured you. “He helped us get on the right track.” You nodded, turning your attention to Hongbin beside you. He was still staring at the ground, expression blank. It was as if he’d turned himself off. Leo had dragged him down the street from the station and Hongbin had barely put up a fight or said anything. Leo called your name and you turned to look at him.

“I’m sorry our date turned out like this,” he apologized, eyes on the ground.

“It’s ok,” you waved off. “We can always try again some other day.” Leo blinked at you, seemingly not expecting such an offer.

“You want to try again?” Leo asked, a little dumbfounded.

“After I’ve sorted things out with him,” you said, nodding toward Hongbin. “Tonight was awkward, but it wasn’t bad.” It was true that the date had been completely derailed, but Leo’s efforts to help you with Hongbin definitely left a positive impression on you. Leo smiled, small and a bit lopsided, but sweet nonetheless.

“Call me?” Leo asked. You nodded.

“No Hyuk next time, though,” you said, glancing over at the younger man.

“I wasn’t planning on tagging along anyway,” Hyuk defended himself.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Hongbin said grumpily, grabbing your wrist. You stiffened slightly, giving Leo and Hyuk a slight wave as Hongbin pulled you inside the temple. You barely got a glance at the vestibule before he was tugging you into the hall. Once there he released you and put a bit of distance between you.

“Hello?” you called out, glancing around the minimally decorated hallway. “Is the fayteseer in?” After a few seconds, one of the doors down the hall opened and a young man stepped out.

“Yes? I’m the fayteseer here, how can I help you?” the young man asked, coming closer to you. Before you could even answer, the man paused mid step, expression turning concerned as his eyes darted back and forth between you and Hongbin. The reaction made you incredibly uncomfortable. You took a cautious step toward the man, gathering your words.

“W-we came for a line reading,” you said. The man turned his full attention to you, nodding as a wide smile overtook his lips.

“Of course, that shouldn’t be a problem,” the man said, starting to walk towards you again. He offered you his hand. “My name is N, and yours?” You took his hand and introduced yourself. He quickly moved on to Hongbin then stepped back and motioned towards the room he’d come from. “Please follow me.” You nodded following N down the hall, Hongbin at your side and still not in a good mood.

The room that N ushered you into had an altar on the far wall, half covered by a curtain, and a small table that was low to the floor closer to the door. N directed you to sit on the cushions in front of the table as he rounded to the other side and drew the curtain completely. You sat down as directed, watching as N lit a few candles at the altar. He turned back to face you and Hongbin and sat across from you at the small tables.

“Is there any information you’re looking for in particular?” N asked as he got settled.

“Are we really soulmates?” Hongbin answered before you could speak. N’s cheery expression seemed to falter slightly.

“Excuse me?” N asked.

“I feel the signs, but he doesn’t,” you explained. “We want to know for sure that we’re soulmates.” N looked between the two of you before holding his hands out over the tables.

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Please give me your pinkies.” You held out your pinky and he took it in his hand, but Hongbin didn’t move. N frowned, expression hardening. “Come on, give it here,” N ordered, wiggling his fingers in expectation. Hongbin reluctantly lifted his hand over the table and you noted the way his hand shook slightly. N reached across the table and clasped his hand around Hongbin’s pinky, closing his eyes and jerking Hongbin’s hand more towards the center of the table. He took a deep breath, his expression turning neutral.

After a few moments, N shifted his grip on your pinkies so he was holding them between his thumb, index finger, and middle finger. He took another deep breath and his fingers became very warm. He pinched at your finger before moving his fingers into thin air. He brought his hands a few inches away from yours before opening his hands and holding them flat, palm up. He brought his hands in a bit closer to his body before closing them into fists. He stilled and took a deep breath, expression serene. On the exhale he jerked his hands in towards his body. You squeaked as your hand jerked across the table, pulled by your abused pinky and following the movement of N’s fists, barely registering Hongbin’s own squawk of surprise.

“You can stop doubting in my abilities now, Hongbin,” N said calmly. You tore your eyes away from N to look at Hongbin. He looked stricken, eyes wide and slightly slack jawed. He swallowed before pulling his hand back closer to his body but not removing it from the table. You looked back at N, returning your hand to its previous position and swallowing as well. N opened palms, moving them back towards your hands.

“Your patron is the Sun Goddess Irakih and this is the fortieth time you’ve been born together. You’re soulmates,” N confirmed. “Without a doubt.”

“She can’t be,” Hongbin objected, voice trembling like his hand. “I can’t feel the signs when I look at her. She can’t be my–” N cut Hongbin off by jerking Hongbin’s end of the string of fate again, snapping his eyes open and narrowing them at Hongbin. You reared back in surprise, realizing that his irises had turned a startling electric blue.

“There is no such thing as a one sided soulmate,” N said harshly. “All strings have two ends and they have to tie somewhere.”

“Then why didn’t I feel anything?” Hongbin yelled, slamming his hand down on the table. There was a clunk in the back of the room and N closed his eyes again. He took a deep breath, falling silent for a brief moment before speaking again.

“Because you didn’t want to,” N answered cryptically, causing Hongbin to shrink back in shock.

“W-what do you mean?” you asked confused, dreading the answer.

“You were traumatized, you weren’t you, Hongbin?” N asked, tone turning sad. “The things your stalker said to you, the things she did, you never really recovered from that.”

“H-how do you know about her?” Hongbin asked, visibly shaken by N’s words.

“Because I’m staring into your _soul_ ,” N answered, tone slightly annoyed. You tensed, suddenly very afraid of the man sitting across from you. “I can see the pain you’ve suffered, both in this life and previous ones. You didn’t handle it well, you never do, but it’s time to face this.” N opened his eyes halfway, looking at Hongbin. Hongbin shivered, closing his hand into a fist.

“I’m over it. I left what she did behind me,” Hongbin growled, but the words came out with no bite, weak and scared–he was definitely threatened by N’s words. N closed his eyes with a sigh.

“If you’d gotten over it, you wouldn’t be in this situation,” N said.

“So this is my fault? It’s my own fault that I can’t feel the signs?” Hongbin lashed out. An unlit candle fell from the altar behind N, causing everyone to jump in surprise. N winced before sitting up straighter.

“You closed of your heart and hid your soul. You did it unconsciously to protect yourself. You can’t be faulted for that,” N explained. “But it’s the way you acted after you met your soulmate that pissed of the Goddess Irakih, and nothing she threw at you seemed to wake you up. What happened to hurt you so deeply?”

“If you can see into my soul, then you already know,” Hongbin growled.

“I’m not the one that needs to hear it,” N replied calmly. “Your soulmate at least deserves a proper explanation.” You swallowed, dropping your gaze to the table.

“If he’s uncomfortable talking about it, he doesn’t need to tell me,” you said softly. You could feel Hongbin’s attention turn to you and it made you more nervous. “I don’t know the whole picture, but I know enough that I can guess what happened.” You glanced up at Hongbin before dropping your gaze again. “After everything with your stalker, you had issues trusting people and I didn’t live up to your expectations, so you lashed out in denial.” Your words were met with thick silence and you dared to peek up at Hongbin. He looked away from you, shifting uncomfortably. His shoulders were tense and his jaw was set, the muscles and tendons in his neck visibly straining. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Hyerin stalked me for three months. She coerced me into sex and claimed that we were soulmates. She kept insisting even when I told her I felt nothing. Even a fayteseer couldn’t stop her,” Hongbin explained, voice low and shame filled.

“And each time she insisted, your spirit lashed out in fear and cut at the string,” N finished for Hongbin.

“Is that why you doubted me?” you asked timidly, staring at Hongbin with wide eyes.

“A-as soon as you said it, I panicked,” Hongbin admitted, shrinking into himself. “I didn’t want another repeat of Hyerin.”

“And the fear of hearing the words again caused you to lock your heart away,” N said, tone sad.

“Hyerin only ever saw my face,” Hongbin continued, his expression turning disgusted and his tone growing harsher. “She didn’t care about what I wanted or the things I liked, and she wasn’t the only girl like that.” He paused to take a deep breath, pulling his emotions under control. “I didn’t want what she did to happen again, so I raised my standards. I rejected anyone that didn’t meet them because I realized girls like Hwayoung understood me better.”

“You became fixated on a certain type of woman and refused to believe anyone else could possibly be your soulmate. It eroded the rest of the sensitivity towards the magic away,” N explained. You looked away from Hongbin, feeling rejected to your core. Unless you’d met earlier in life, you highly doubted you’d have received a different reaction from him.

“So he’ll never be able to feel the signs?” you asked, your chest tight. You could still feel that little bit of resistance to the idea of you being his soulmate coming from Hongbin.

“The string is so frayed that Hongbin almost succeeded in breaking it, but it _can_ be repaired. The process is slow, but once he accepts who his soulmate is, you can work together to restore and strengthen his senses,” N explained. Hongbin looked up at N.

“It’s possible for a human to break the string?” Hongbin asked.

“In theory, yes, but no one has succeeded before they met their soulmate,” N answered. “The gods always win.”

“So all I have to do is work things out with him, and he’ll eventually be able to feel the warmth in his chest?” you asked.

“Yes,” N answered simply. “Which I suggest you both work hard at. The goddess is…” he paused, flinching slightly, “pissed. At both of you.” Another thud sounded from the alter. “But mostly at Hongbin.” N winced again, snapping his eyes open and sharply turning to look back at the altar. “I know you’re angry, but give them some slack,” N scolded, seemingly talking to the goddess statue on the altar. “Doing that won’t make them get along any better and you know it.” You sat straighter, suddenly overcome with fear. Whatever the Goddess was threatening, it couldn’t have been good. N sighed, turning back to face you and closing his eyes as he resettled himself.

“I’m sorry, she’s one of the most difficult gods to work with. I can’t say it’s a blessing that she’s your patron god,” N apologized. “She’s been making so much noise that I’m getting a headache.” The lit candles at the altar went out and N smiled sheepishly.

“Do I need to do anything special to appease her?” Hongbin asked, voice trembling. He was obviously as shaken by the exchange as you were. N hummed, tilting his head to the side. The fayteseer seemed to have relaxed considerably from just moments before.

“Not particularly,” N answered, tone almost cheerful. “Just work things out between the two of you. It’s not like you have to completely change your lifestyles, just work out an understanding. That’ll more than make sure that there aren’t any more malicious little accidents.” Hongbin flushed, removing his hand from the table. “And besides it’ll help when it comes time to find your oth–” N suddenly snapped his mouth shut, eyes opening wide.

“Other? Other what?” you asked. Other than his eyes carefully darting between you and Hongbin, N didn’t move for several seconds.

“Other soulmate,” N said, deflating, a hint of regret flashing across his expression.

“Other soulmate?” Hongbin parroted in shock.

“We’re a triangle?” you asked, trying to comprehend the news. N remained quiet for a few seconds, staring down at his open palms still hovering over the table.

“No,” he said cautiously. “Only Hongbin has a second soulmate.”

“I don’t understand,” you said, searching N’s face. “H-how can he have another soulmate? What about me?”

“I’m sorry, I said too much,” N apologized, squeezing his eyes shut. Your stomach sunk, fear and unease taking over you.

“Why are you sorry? Why does Hongbin have a second soulmate and not me?” you asked, fighting down a sudden panic. N shook his head, dropping his hands to his lap and leaning away from the table. “What are you not telling us?” you asked sharply. N opened his eyes and stared directly into yours, sorrow there.

“You won’t live to see thirty.”

Your mind stuttered to a halt at the words. All you could do was stare at the fayteseer as you tried to make sense of what he said.

“I die,” you breathed out as your brain finally processed N’s words. You dropped your gaze to the table, suddenly feeling lightheaded.

“I’m sorry,” N said, but it was muffled, sounded far away. You didn’t even have ten years left. A hand brushed yours, but you quickly jerked it away, your thoughts picking up speed and franticness.

“How do I die?” you asked, feeling like everything was reeling.

“I’m not allowed to say,” N answered, tone heavy. You leaned forward, covering your face with your hands and letting a tidal wave of emotions take you down. Tears welled in your eyes but didn’t fall. Someone was talking, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care enough to understand. It wasn’t fair. Nothing since you’d met Hongbin had been fair. He rejected you and mistreated, yet he was the one to live a long time, the one with two soulmates. The gods weren’t just fucking with you; they were trying to _break_ you. And you were sure it’d worked this time. Your dreams and ambitions seemed to be of no concern to them, nor your happiness or health.

“This is a nightmare,” you laughed under your breath. Whoever was talking ceased and the sudden silence was deafening. “I’m just a pawn,” you continued, feeling the tears finally starting to streak down your cheeks. “I’m just a tool to help Hongbin straighten up for the real person he spends his life with.”

“That’s not how it is–”

“I help him get back on track and then _die,_ ” you snapped, cutting off whoever had started to talk–you’d barely registered their words, but you hardly cared what anyone had to say anymore. You sat up and banged your fists on the table. “How do I even _benefit_ from this? I get to feel warm and fuzzy because I picked up the pieces of a man that treated me like a piece of trash and then I get to be put out of my misery? I wanted a _career_. I wanted to actually _do_ things with my life, to have a _family_ like the one I grew up in.” Someone started talking, but you beat your fists on the table again, barely registering the pain of your nails cutting into your palms.

“What I want doesn’t even matter, and it _never_ _has_ ,” you screeched. “But this is great news for you, isn’t it, Hongbin?” You glared up at your soulmate. “You only have to put up with me and our shitty match for a few years and then I bet you get everything you ever wanted out of your next soulmate,” you spat venomously. You saw his lips moving, but couldn’t make out what he was saying. You dropped your gaze back to the table, everything still reeling as a wave of sorrow washed over you. “My existence feels so cheap in comparison.” There were hands at your shoulder, shaking you.

“You _still_ have time,” Hongbin’s voice broke through to you. “It’s not like you’ll die tomorrow. You can _still_ do those things. We’ll work it out–” You shoved him away, your anger and frustration at everything leading up to now still strong.

“What do you even care? You’ve consistently shown you don’t give a fuck about me. Ken told you about my ex-boyfriend and how I had been looking forward to finding my soulmate and _all_ you could think of was how to use that to shove me out of your life!” you hissed. “My ex tore me down! The only thing that kept me going was meeting my soulmate and then you tore me down too and I get to pick up your pieces and _die_.”

“I made a mistake! I fucked up and I’m _sorry!_ ” Hongbin yelled, causing you to flinch away. You shook your head, scooting away in an attempt to put a bit of distance between the two of you.

“I can’t–I-I can’t–” you stuttered, looking away from Hongbin. Your head was fuzzy, your thoughts wouldn’t calm down. Your brain kept screaming that you were going to _die_. “I don’t want to do this if I’m going to die.” A pair of arms wrapped around you and pulled you into a hug–N, you realized after a few hazy seconds. You sobbed, relaxing into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” N soothed, voice gentle. “I said too much.” He pulled you in, resting your head on his shoulder. “It’s scary and it hurts, I know. It’s not fair, but things rarely are.”

“I tried to do what I should,” you sniffled.

“I know,” N soothed. “You’ve just been trying to survive, trying to fight for a happy future. You shouldn’t give up now.”

“I don’t even have ten years,” you croaked.

“But you have your family and your soulmate,” N countered, starting to rub your back. “I know it doesn’t seem like a lot of time, but you can do a lot with what you have left. This is a starting point in your life, not a signal of the end. I can _guarantee_ that you weren’t placed with Hongbin just to fix him. People can’t fix other people. People can only fix themselves. It’s just that sometimes they need others to help them sort through everything. Hongbin’s as much a test for you as you are for him.”

“I don’t know what to do with him,” you mumbled, latching onto N’s shirt and snuggling into his shoulder. N hugged you tighter. “I don’t even really want to be around him after everything.”

“No one ever knows what to do with their soulmate when they first meet, and most feel like they’re completely incompatible in the beginning. But you did well in your other thirty-nine lives together,” he reassured. “Things rarely go the way anyone wants or expects them to go, even without the gods butting in. There are only three things the gods directly decide in human lives: our birth, our soulmate, and our death. Other than an occasional inconvenient and indirect intervention when things aren’t going their way, the gods stay out of human affairs. Humans have their own will. Life is what we make of it, and the gods can’t predict what will happen–and trust me, they like it better that way. It’s more entertaining.”

“The gods have a sick sense of humor,” you sniffled.

“Mmm, they do,” N agreed. “And Irakih is known for being particularly twisted. But your life is yours, and as long as you work things out with your soulmate, the Goddess will stay out. Find your balance and make life what you want it to be. You were strong enough to get here, and I believe you’re strong enough to tackle the problems in front of you.” You pulled away from N, reaching up to wipe your eyes.

“Thank you,” you murmured. N smiled, expression gentle and motherly.

“Are you feeling a bit better?” N ask. You nodded, wiping your hands off on your shirt.

“But the idea of dying young still _terrifies_ me,” you said.

“Everyone fears death, but it’s something that one can come to terms with,” N reassured you. “Are you ready to chase your new beginning with Hongbin?”

“I think so,” you said, nodding though you had your reservations about it. You still weren’t sure you could forgive Hongbin anytime soon.

“And what about you, Hongbin?” N asked, looking over your shoulder.

“I can’t run from this anymore,” Hongbin said. “It’s time I take responsibility.” He turned around hesitantly to look at Hongbin. When your eyes met his you felt the warmth well in your chest but not the tugging at your pinky.

“Good,” N said. “Things should start turning around for both of you now.”

“Hopefully,” Hongbin sighed. You looked away from Hongbin, starting to feel a heavy numbness in your chest.

“You two should probably go home,” N suggested. “You both look exhausted, and Hongbin’s injuries really should be treated.” You nodded a bit absently, standing up. “Don’t worry about paying your respects to the Goddess today. You can come back another day once you’ve started to sort things out a bit more.”

“I won’t forget,” you said, though you felt a little resentment over your designated lifespan.

“And you,” N said, standing up and putting his hand on your shoulder. “Drink lots of water when you get home. It’ll help with the headache.” You nodded as N clapped you on the shoulder. N walked you out of the temple, bidding you farewell and telling you to come back if either of you needed help or advice. Once he’d disappeared back inside the temple the atmosphere between you and Hongbin grew tense. You both remained outside in silence for a few minutes, though you weren’t exactly sure how much time had past. You’d sunk back into your thoughts and fears–how would you break it to your family? Should you even? A few possibilities flashed through your mind, but nothing seemed quite _right._

“I was an ass,” Hongbin said, pulling you from your thoughts. You looked up at him, catching his eyes, the warmth welling in your chest.

“You were,” you agreed, not feeling like you had much energy at all.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. You shook your head, looking away from him.

“You had your reasons, but it’s going to take me a long while to work through the hurt,” you said. Hongbin shifted awkwardly beside you.

“We can work through both of ours together,” Hongbin offered.

“Whether we do or not, just…” you paused to take a breath, to gather the proper wording. “Just believe your next soulmate if you don’t feel the signs.”

“I learned my lesson, trust me,” Hongbin said. “I resisted and the Goddess made me pay for it.” You look back up at him, carefully observing his expression. “At Polyeros, that guy, Soeun’s soulmate, he…” Hongbin broke off, his thoughts seemingly jumbled. “Hwayoung confronted you about the…” He nodded down, eyes briefly dropping as well before meeting your gaze again. ”Right?”

“Yeah, she did,” you said, catching his meaning.

“That guy, he was the origin,” Hongbin said.

“So you’re _still_ seeing Soeun even though she’d found her soulmate?” you asked, not sure how to feel about his situation.

“We were close and she didn’t want to give up Polyeros–her and her soulmate fought a lot about it,” he elaborated. “They’re a mess and are having all sorts of bad luck. I got dragged into it, and I almost dragged you and everyone else in too.”

“A hard lesson to learn,” you sympathized.

“We’ll… We’ll figure things out,” Hongbin side, dropping his gaze to the ground and biting his lips, hands fidgeting.

“We will,” you agreed, though you still felt drained of energy. You looked across the street at the small shops, letting out a slow, heavy sigh. “But what now?”

“Get you home?” Hongbin suggested, tentatively bringing a hand up to your shoulder. “You… you look as big a mess as I probably do.” You stared up at him for few second, letting the warmth well up in your chest before closing your eyes and sighing.

“I guess you’ll have to beg Ken’s forgiveness sooner or later anyway,” you said. Hongbin groaned, removing his hand from your shoulder.

“I hope he’ll go easy on me,” Hongbin complained.

“He won’t,” you answered curtly, starting to walk in the direction of train station. “But if you’re lucky, he’ll clean up your cuts and give you an ice pack once he’s forgiven you.”


End file.
